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I get invited (sort of) to Donald Trump’s Inauguration

Well, well. Lookee what I got: an invitation to Trump’s inaugural.

Actually, it’s not mine; Reince Priebus (or the robo-mailing outfit of his choice) sent it to Commentariat member Comrade X, who gifted it to me. Alas, I received it after the RSVP date — though I suspect that if I returned it with a large enough check they’d let me in, regardless.

That will happen after Satan’s next snowball fight.

Note the price tags here:


Yikes. $5,000 just to stay on the freakin’ mailing list; excuse me, I mean remain a vital member of the Chairman’s Advisory Board. Plus a $1,000 “Conference fee” for the flimsiest reason any direct-mail moneyraiser ever thought up: “To ensure that your contribution will go directly into the RNC’s candidate support programs” ($5,000 isn’t already enough for that?). Plus $2,700 for a hotel room ($2,744.57 to be precise; these people are serious about nickel-and-diming — not to mention pennying — their donors to death). Don’t they have any Motel 6s in DC? A KOA? Youth hostels?

And IIRC, Comrade X noted that there are other hidden fees. Not to mention transportation, meals, tips, bribes, kickbacks, palm grease, hush money, mordida, baksheesh, and buyoffs. Can’t do politics in DC without those!

Given all that, I guess you’d have to send one exceedingly large check to expect a VIP exemption to the January 9 RSVP date. A downright Clinton-sized donation, possibly.

But wait. Look. It says right there that I’m already an important person. Or that Comrade X is:


“Republican leaders like you

“A key member of the GOP team that will lead America”

Wow. Comrade. I am in awe.

Either that or I lie. Yeah. I lie. Like a great big red rug under the feet of some celebrity you never heard of.

Here I must confess I got a big laugh. Thing is, Comrade X actually is, or was, a gen-u-ine R-party VIP. So when the Rinceman (or the robo-mailer of his choice) tells the Comrade he’s a Big Leader, it is, or was at one time, true. But years ago (I don’t recall why) I was on various R mailing lists and their mailings invariably told me I was a Big Leader, too, though to the best of my recollection I wasn’t even an R v*ter or an R anything.

That was just Republican schtick. ALL their mailers back then came with extras like “exclusive membership” cards, goofy natter about my “vital leadership role,” and other naked and totally inaccurate ego-flapping. (When George W. Bush extolled himself as “the decider” he was probably quoting from one of those mailers that told him how very, very special he was.)

That was just what Republican mailers did. Dems mailed weepy, whiny, indignant, apocalyptic change-the-world sh*t. Republicans kissed ass and stroked country-club egos. And OMG, 30 years later, they haven’t changed a line of it.

Finally, with no disrespect whatsoever to our faithful party Comrade, I also note that my inaugural invitation is printed cheaply on low-grade paper. And you know, country club hotshot and important Republican leader that I suddenly am, I expected at least Crane’s Crest 100% cotton. Or perhaps a dignified faux leatherette with a light touch of embossing and gold leaf. I am indignant and disappointed in my (formerly) good friend Reince. He clearly underestimates the key role I play in the Trump administration and the future of the Republican party.

Still, my disappointment will not stop me from framing my Trump inaugural invitation and placing it on the wall right next to — and about this I am absolutely serious — my personalized autograph from Tricky Dick Nixon.


  1. rochester_veteran
    rochester_veteran January 12, 2017 2:44 am

    “Don’t they have any Motel 6s in DC? A KOA? Youth hostels?”

    Ha! 🙂 I’ve stayed at all of the above and also slept in my car on trips and camped when I was a young man.

    I have a friend who’s going to the Inauguration and also my boss is going. My friend requested tickets from her congresscritter and is doing it on the cheap. My boss is a big-time Trump supporter and has family who lives in the DC area and will be staying with them while attending the ceremony and events. Although I voted for him, I’m not a Trump supporter and am not inclined to going to such an event as I’m not into ceremonies and such.

  2. M.
    M. January 12, 2017 4:50 am

    At the conclusion of every Quadrennial the *only* Ceremony I would consider appropriate is a line of walking Incumbant Legislators pushing Wheelbarrows with printed copies of their previous 4 year Legislation (suggested, supported or signed). Behind would trail the Freshman Legislators with empty Wheelbarrows thus indicating that while they have no burden at this time, “what a difference a Term makes”.

    Behind would walk the President Elect – alone – with copies of Founding Documents. Arriving at the “Swearing In” Podium s/he would turn, give the Oath and go to work within the Constraints described.
    (A nice touch would be to have the hooded Executioner from “The Princess Bride” standing behind the person administering the Oath to remind one of the grave nature of this moment)

    No starlets in clothing attempting to belt out a rendition of whichever Patriotic/Pop-Culture ditty is in the Charts.

    No self effacing Power People who need to be propped up because they’ve been in the system so long.

    No Dog Kennel, High Kickers, Military Marchers or dejected Choirs…

    Won’t sell air time though

  3. StevefromMA
    StevefromMA January 12, 2017 6:45 am

    What to wear?😂

    Don’t they have a homeless shelter in D.C. to spend a few night?

    You’ll never get a hotel room, they are filled with coal miners.

  4. LibertyNews
    LibertyNews January 12, 2017 7:34 am

    Sounds like the same techniques most of the pro-gun groups use as well. One reason that they never get any more $$ from me.

  5. Comrade X
    Comrade X January 12, 2017 8:51 am

    One big question in the back of my mine has been; How do you drain the swamp with the Rinceman as your chief of staff?

    Just to show that I’s been an equal opportunity sucker I’s also got an invite to Jimmy Carter’s Inauguration too, btw both Carter’s presentation and paper was of a lot higher quality & grade, maybe that’s a good sign for DJT considering the knockdown job the peanut farmer did.

    All I’s knows is if DJT & the R’s screw this up as I’s expect them to do, then get ready for Mrs. O & the D’s coming your way very soon; for me the redoubt is looking better every day!!!

    LibertyNews; me being a Patron level member of the NRA I’s been a sucker in the past for that too, I am proud to say I did file one of the petitions to remove Grover but they are like the RNC which is all about;

  6. M Ryan
    M Ryan January 12, 2017 11:36 am

    WOW Claire that’s serious coin and in American dollars no less, not like our Canadian peso. Recently i was invited to join the Conservative party of Canada. I answered the invite with the comment that the price was too steep for my taste. The cost was $10 Cdn.

    Too bad you’re not going and even if you did they would have stopped you at the door and tried to take the Glock. Then afterwords there would have been the many hand washings to get rid of the greasy feel.

    Mind you it would have been interesting to read your take on events.

  7. Joel
    Joel January 12, 2017 2:27 pm

    So…we shouldn’t start working on the fundraiser for your gown?

  8. Desertrat
    Desertrat January 12, 2017 5:17 pm

    Heh. I remember LBJ’s coronation when the music of choice was “This Is MY Country” as he looked around in pride of ownership. Actually, though, Lady Bird was the acquisitive one, asset-wise. (The reason Texans voted for him was that we couldn’t afford them any longer. Had to spread the load.)

  9. Dana
    Dana January 12, 2017 7:17 pm

    They are expecting Crane’s finest cotton/linen paper from you, not the other way ’round.

    I agree with Joel. We need a fundraiser for your gown.

  10. John
    John January 12, 2017 8:53 pm

    In this war of our greatest religion
    Damnation to those who do not tithe
    And pay ye also
    Such numerous other taxes prescribed before now
    To fight the battles before us
    And also kneel as thy do these things
    Bleed out and die in faith
    And we shall prevail
    All other faiths are lesser
    And they are evil in all ways

    (Please send your check to the address on the enclosed form, What isn’t spent will buy clare a gown}

  11. John
    John January 12, 2017 9:02 pm

    clare isn’t Claire. Just some other religious nut.

  12. Claire
    Claire January 13, 2017 11:09 am

    LOL, Dana, on “Crane’s finest.” So right; they’d rather get it than use it to send out their VIP appeals.

    As to my inaugural gown, please feel free to spend your money on anything else. Wine, women, decadence, drugs, politics, earmuffs (damn this winter!), dried lentils, hot sports cars, cool jazz, snazzy guns, books by Russian madmen — anything. For yourself. And enjoy with my blessing. ‘Cause you ain’t gettin’ me into any ballgown, certainly not so I can honor Our Masters in DC.

  13. Pat
    Pat January 13, 2017 12:27 pm

    “‘Cause you ain’t gettin’ me into any ballgown, certainly not so I can honor Our Masters in DC.”

    Not even a denim floor-length culotte with matching bejeweled jacket, paid for by Melania Trump?

  14. Claire
    Claire January 13, 2017 1:02 pm

    “Not even a denim floor-length culotte with matching bejeweled jacket, paid for by Melania Trump?”

    Not even.

    Perhaps especially not even.

    A denim floor-length coulotte, though. Hm …

  15. Joel
    Joel January 13, 2017 1:54 pm

    A denim floor-length coulotte, though. Hm …

    The early seventies called. They said you can keep their fashion sense. 🙂

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