After I posted yesterday about FEMA’s most recent “heck of a job, Brownie” moment, Shel got to digging.
Who, he wondered, is this Tribute Contracting LLC — this inexperienced Tiffany Brown who knew how to play the federal system so well that she snookered herself a $156 million deal she didn’t have a prayer of fulfilling? A deal to deliver 30 million meals to Puerto Ricans desperate for hurricane relief.
Well, naturally she can check off every box on the “you have to hire me if I’m no damn good” list.
But even with that, you have to ask (or, sorry, you don’t because you already know), “Why didn’t somebody at FEMA ask whether Ms. Brown could check the boxes for ‘experienced’ and ‘competent’ and ‘able to deliver'”?
Or how ’bout something as basic as “literate enough to sign a contract”?
Shel sent me to her website, where this flashed by so quickly I couldn’t believe what I’d seen — until I grabbed a screenshot of it:
You must embiggen (really, you must) to get the full glory of this woman’s competence.
But no wonder FEMA (apparently having no contractors lined up, 12 years after Katrina) fell for her despite her inability even to flesh out a ready-made website template. With, you know, actual words. In English.
‘Cause look at all those Valuable Services (complete with capital letters) she and her “team” of construction-management-food-delivery-cloud-computing-disaster-relief-refrigerated-truck mavens can supply. But only to governments, of course. (Oh, and I forgot laundry management, too. That’s on a different page.)
Yes, and look at all those hundreds of consultants, bazillions of contracts fulfilled with 100% satisfaction, those worldwide locations!
(I wonder whether the Cool Whirling Counters ™ that came with her Buy-It-In-a-Box Website ™ stop at the same numbers every time or change up just to make it look more interesting.)
And you just know they — the FEMA Brownies — never checked.
Yes, no wonder Ms Brown won FEMA hearts and contracts. She’s right there on their level, where they all belong. And you also know where the entire lot of them belong now.
But did you catch that line from the NYT article? “She is seeking a settlement of at least $70 million.” ‘Cause it’s not her fault, of course. Nothing is anybody’s fault. That would be racist. Or sexist. Or classist. Or sensible. Or something.
Pity the poor Puerto Ricans, though. Victims of Mother Nature, but victims first, second, and always of crap government.