{"id":4166,"date":"2011-02-11T12:32:33","date_gmt":"2011-02-11T19:32:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.backwoodshome.com\/blogs\/ClaireWolfe\/?p=4166"},"modified":"2011-02-11T12:32:33","modified_gmt":"2011-02-11T19:32:33","slug":"definding-boundaries-part-iii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/2011\/02\/11\/definding-boundaries-part-iii\/","title":{"rendered":"“Definding” boundaries, part III"},"content":{"rendered":"

I should have included this with part II<\/a>, but I didn’t quite have my head together this morning. This is for anybody struggling with boundary issues and not knowing the way out. You guys who already have it all figured out can ignore this. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Ten tips for defending boundaries<\/b><\/p>\n

1. Know your boundaries.<\/p>\n

2. Know your weak spots where it comes to defending boundaries (e.g. being “too nice,” saying yes when you want to say no, giving in to internal or external pressure, giving money to the wrong people). Watch for those weak moments and when you recognize one, signal yourself to take a deep breath and give a response you’ve prepared for such times. (See 5 and 6 below.)<\/p>\n

3. State your boundaries to anyone who’s violating or trying to violate them and make it clear (in a polite, calm way) why you’re stating them.<\/p>\n

4. If someone continues to push through your boundaries after you’ve stated them, tell that person what the consequences will be if they don’t respect your limits (e.g. “If you ask me to take on one more task for you, I’ll give up one I’m already doing,” “If you hit me, I’ll divorce you.”). Be prepared to mean what you say and follow through on it.<\/p>\n

5. If someone is pressuring you to say “yes” in a way that causes you to feel uncomfortable, always say “no.”<\/p>\n

6. If you have a habit of saying “yes” to good causes, extra work, or extra social commitments, then later regretting it, say, “I need a day to think about it before I give you an answer.”<\/p>\n

7. If you can simply avoid a chronic boundary violator, do.<\/p>\n

8. If you can’t avoid a chronic boundary violator (e.g. a relative who wants to “change” you, a neighbor who wants to be too neighborly) and the person won’t respect your limits, you might eventually have to become harsh in telling them to back off. Don’t worry when they accuse you of “overreacting.” That’s just part of the game. They may be genuinely shocked by your firmness — but only because they weren’t listening earlier. Or they may simply be trying to throw a guilt trip on you. In either case, be glad you’ve finally hammered home your point.<\/p>\n

9. If the unavoidable boundary violator is a boss or some other authority figure, you may not have the option of laying out consequences or getting harsh. But you always have the option of calmly sticking to your “no means no” guns. You may end up suffering consequences. You may also earn respect and develop toughness and integrity that will serve you well.<\/p>\n

10. If you’re truly in a situation where you have no recourse, the first verse of the Serenity Prayer<\/a> can help anybody, and the second verse is a bonus for believers. Alter it to suit your needs, but memorize it for those moments when it’s all you’ve got.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I should have included this with part II, but I didn’t quite have my head together this morning. This is for anybody struggling with boundary issues and not knowing the way out. You guys who already have it all figured out can ignore this. \ud83d\ude42 Ten tips for defending boundaries 1. Know your boundaries. 2. Know your weak spots where it comes to defending boundaries (e.g. being “too nice,” saying yes when you want to say no, giving in to internal or external pressure, giving money to the wrong people). Watch for those weak moments and when you recognize one,…<\/p>\n

Continue reading“Definding” boundaries, part III<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mind-and-spirit","category-resistance","ratio-natural","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4166","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4166"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4166\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4166"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4166"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.clairewolfe.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4166"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}