Okay. Today’s the Big Day. Either you’re going to be swept up into heaven, leaving your clothes behind, or you’re likely to be injured in that big earthquake that’s going to rock the earth so hard it’ll toss bodies out of their graves and you’ll end up needing medical treatment.<\/p>\n
So, either way, remember what your mother told you: Clean underwear!<\/i><\/p>\n
Actually, the Big Day was scheduled to start last night<\/a>, U.S. time, thanks to the International Date Line<\/a> — with the big earthquake and the Rapturing taking place on a rolling basis around the globe. So you’ll know by the news if you still have a few hours to Get Right with the Big Guy. Or wait and pick yourself up a sweet stereo<\/a> when God’s not looking.<\/p>\n Weird coincidence. Last night at exactly the same time the Rapture was supposed to start<\/i> out in the South Pacific, I popped the DVD of Vision: From the Life of Hildegard von Bingen<\/a><\/i> into the player. First scene? a terrified congregation huddled tearfully in a church on the final night of the first Millennium with their priest assuring them this would be the last night of all nights, that the end was upon them, and they’d never see another dawn.<\/p>\n Boy, were they surprised in the morning.<\/p>\n There’s no reason a life of Hildegard should begin with such a scene (with her present as a three year old child). Very poetic, but the timing is off by about 100 years. Hm. Could it be an Omen?<\/p>\n Nah. Prolly not. Just a creative filmmaker figuring there’s no reason to let mere facts get in the way of good symbolism. Still, it was kinda weird. I’m gonna be really sorry if Somebody was trying to send me a Message and I missed it.<\/p>\n —–<\/p>\n If the Rapture (or the global kick-em-from-their-graves earthquake) does get you, though, it’s really gonna mess up your chance to win Princess Beatrice’s outrageous royal wedding hat<\/a> on eBay. As I write this on Friday night the bidding is only<\/i> at $121,422.83 (75,110.00 British pounds). A real steal, I’d say.<\/p>\n But the bidding closes on Sunday. And we’ll all either be gone or otherwise occupied by then. Ah well. In the meantime, you can at least look at the funny created-by-the-public pictures of the hat while you Await Your Fate. (Click the link and scroll down.)<\/p>\n (ADDED Saturday p.m.: The eBay listing for the Infamous Hat now says bidding has closed and the hat received NO bids. Hm. Maybe the big earthquake hit eBay or something, because last night the bids were sky high and there were a bunch of bidders. Bizarre. Ah. It’s an eBay goof<\/a> and still in the process of being repaired, apparently. I found the restored listing and changed my original link. Heck of an item to mess up on, eBay …)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Okay. Today’s the Big Day. Either you’re going to be swept up into heaven, leaving your clothes behind, or you’re likely to be injured in that big earthquake that’s going to rock the earth so hard it’ll toss bodies out of their graves and you’ll end up needing medical treatment. So, either way, remember what your mother told you: Clean underwear! Actually, the Big Day was scheduled to start last night, U.S. time, thanks to the International Date Line — with the big earthquake and the Rapturing taking place on a rolling basis around the globe. So you’ll know by…<\/p>\n