L (who might possibly be on some mind-altering substance) writes:
For some time I have been frustrated with web-based pontificators with memberships/advertisers touting “the end is near.”
I have no objections to the notion that we are headed for calamity, and in fact think we are.
1) Would someone toss me a freaking bone and tell me WHEN … I keep hearing “any day now” and have for the past 12 years … I am getting “survival fatigue.” (NOTE from Claire. Only 12 years, L? Why, you’re just a babe in the woods. “Any day now” has been going on since the Nixon Surprise in August 1971. Or maybe since 999 when millions were sure Jesus was about to arrive in a really, really bad mood …)
2) None describe what to do POST calamity – i.e. pick up pieces, new constitutional convention, coven of witches, aliens abduct us, whatever … (NOTE from Claire: Personally, I’m for the alien abduction thing. The constitutional convention outlook is much scarier.)
Most tell us hide in your:
a) “Geobunker 3000” with your 10,000 MRES conveniently on sale this week with our sponsors
b) Bug out to your unabomber cabin
c) Move to Buenos Aries, Fiji or Antarctica (NOTE from Claire: Why don’t any of them say Tahiti? Tahiti really seems like the place to me.)
Again, no problemo.
But AFTER (and there is always after) what then?
Is it just me?
Maybe i should start a cult or become a web-pontificator, too. BUT have the “Post Apocalypse 3000” game-plan complete with DVD, home version, and hire Wink Martendale to do the infomercial for it. (Note from Claire: Anyone? Anyone? Is Bob Barker still alive and unembalmed? Pat Sajak?)
As re when … i have no idea and am getting to where I not sure I care.
Because I can’t tell the difference between chaos/end of world crap and what I see on the news anyway.
How much worse can Apocalypse be than “Dancing with the Stars” and Snooki? (NOTE from Claire: I’m not sure, but I’m fairly certain the Apocalypse can be even worse than Fox News, certainly worse than MSNBC.)
Where is Monty Python when you need them? (NOTE from Claire: They’re recycling old Monte Python material. At least Eric Idle is.)
That is my rant for the day.
And a fine rant it is. So seriously … we can understand why highly paid commentators carefully avoid the “when” question. Might cut into their profits, you know, should they happen to miss. But what happens after? Now that would be fine thing to know. Not “after” as in “while you’re eating dried lentils and fighting off zombies” but as in, okay, the zombies are dead, the lentils are gone, you made it through the crisis with a little ammo left over, all your children and pets uneaten, and life goes on.