… the things that will help them become strong.
Tell their families not to be so eager to define them by stereotypes — not the old stereotypes of sugary pink or the new stereotypes of gender identity.
Two powerful pieces. (And not just for girl children and their families, either.)
Be yourself. And tack into the wind.
Addendum. I have two grown girls, and three (two grown) grand girls. The only boys were the ones I had to chase away.
Lindsay’s piece is great. It seems like I married someone very much like her, which I am very grateful for.
I would add one piece of advice to Lima’s list: Learn how and when to lie. Lying is a tool and as such should be used only when appropriate, but it is a tool one must know how to use. The standard line of “don’t lie” is very inappropriate.
I am happy to say that we raised both our daughters in the spirit of those pieces. Additionally, with unschooling, unjobbing and a freedomista approach towards life we hope they are prepared to live free and happy lives.
My young daughter loves pink and princess crap (yeah, I get tired of stepping over it all) and tiaras and faeries- but she also loves mud and dirt. I don’t tell her “girls do this, not that”- but her mom does. Often, we just give each other knowing looks and eye rolls when her mom huffs away over some trivial thing.
[But here’s a newsflash for you, sweety, you’ll be wrong from time-to-time, too.]
Correct, you will make mistakes. But when you get that little warning, and your head comes up and you scan, but nothing’s there, don’t presume it was a mistake. Could be that before you saw the guy who was scoping you out and asking, “Is she prey?” he got his answer and moved on.
A beautiful two-some; I relate to both articles. Mainly because I was raised “proper” and was taught all those ridiculous traditional things, and because I rebelled “improper” and knew those ridiculous traditional things were wrong for me. And later… as a female-turned-woman, I knew that’s what I was, felt like, and wanted to be.
Loved what Lindsay had to say about it. And she’s right every word of the way.
I’m thankful all the time that I grew up a tomboy. Managed to skip around the whole Disney thinking and just go after all varieties of interests. I am also thankful that I’m not growing up in today’s atmosphere, too.
Great articles! I often wonder wether we as a society have been so “programed” by what could be called the establishment that we have become nothing more than puppets. No matter where one looks one finds all kinds of preconceived “ideas” as to what girls should do and be interested in and the same with boys. Take a look at the crap being pushed in schools. There is no longer any individuality, instead kids today are being pushed into some kind of mold if yoiu will. Heaven forbid they begin to think… no, better to just do what you are told even though it is all socialistic garbage. A lot of this is also the parents blame as well….they have also bought into the idea that if some school board decides on some course of study or action that they are right, after all they are runing things. Say WHAT????
This could lead in a whole ‘nother direction.
When “feminism” started it was originally called Women’s Lib, and my first reaction was “What about Men’s Lib, and Children’s Lib, and why not call it Human Lib” ― because it was apparent that not just women but Everyone was placed in a mold, certain criteria had been set through the ages, and particular actions/reactions had been placed on everyone as to how they should behave. (Women should be protected, men were tough and shouldn’t cry, kids were “owned” by parents and should be seen and not heard, women should be the little homemaker while men brought home the bacon, etc.) I to think of those attitudes today.
While no one ostensibly holds those views anymore, nothing has really changed when we are still placed in molds, still rigidly taught how to act, and told what is politically correct or not; only the criteria have changed.
The fact that these articles resonate with us is proof that underneath we recognize the non-changes that have taken place. Whereas parents don’t (want to) raise their kids in certain ways ― yet some still do ― indicates either 1) that old habits are hard to break; 2) other institutions (school, church, government) are persistent in keeping the status quo; or 3) people know they must maintain certain associations between and among themselves in order to keep a society intact. Or all of the above.
Feminism has certainly broken down relationships AND society (in ways that may never recover), and institutions have added their agenda to the problem. Yet “old habits” persist. People *could* find a proper meeting place between the old and new attitudes ― in tolerance. But as long as nobody tries to understand the other’s perspective, there will be no meeting place.
(Sorry. Didn’t mean to get so intense when I started. But watching one’s society break down before your eyes is disheartening.)
Kids are individuals. The parental guiding hand should rest very, very lightly on them; and always the question should be asked, whether correction should be done at all. (Kids also learn through experience and observation and often don’t need anything beyond that.)
That’s what I think now. Of course if kids are individuals, then there may well be some of them who need guiding more than others! The tough thing is recognizing which of them do and which don’t.
Oh, and every parent is an amateur at parenting. It’s a wonder kids turn out as well as they do, but I assume it is because they are resilient.