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Friday (just for fun) Freedom Question: What did the Russians do?

This morning the House released a report on Those Infamous Russians. Since the report apparently concludes that Trump didn’t do it (whatever “it” might be), we can be sure this report is far from the last word on the subject. Because of course, Trump had to have done it (whatever “it” might be).

It occurs to me, though, that during 18 months of incessant media teeth-gnashing on the subject, I’ve never heard a single person in the real world so much as mention this gigantic, scandalous issue of the Russians (and whatever they may or may not have done to Subvert Our Sacred Democratic Processes).

What I have heard are quite a few remarks along the lines of, “My homework? Uh … the Russians ate it!” or “Oh no, the soufflé caved in; damn Russians!” or “Yep, musta been those Russians …”

Yes, those Russians are a truly nefarious lot.* They’re everywhere we turn, disrupting American life, institutions, and values.**

So tell us: What in your life, neighborhood, or world can you blame on those pesky Russians?

—–

* I have no doubt that their politicians, oligarchs, and assorted gangsters really are nefarious.

** Hillary Clinton, the NSA, the CIA, the media, academia, and Congress, OTOH, are entirely innocent of all the above misdeeds.

20 Comments

  1. brew
    brew April 27, 2018 11:18 am

    “So tell us: What in your life, neighborhood, or world can you blame on those pesky Russians?”

    Borscht…. I just can’t do borscht…..

  2. Pat
    Pat April 27, 2018 11:28 am

    Too much dam-p, chilly weather – that keeps the Global Warming away.

  3. Joel
    Joel April 27, 2018 11:55 am

    Squirrels keep emptying my chicken feeder – Russian squirrels! Sent by Putin to damage my calm and sap and impurify my precious bodily fluids! Damn you, Trump!

  4. david
    david April 27, 2018 11:55 am

    My dog had the Trotskys on the carpet while I was at work yesterday. Damn those Russians! He was just Putin all evening too. 🤣

  5. ellendra
    ellendra April 27, 2018 12:50 pm

    They keep killing me in Clickfight!
    (It’s a game)

    My SIL has reported on occasion that her work has issues with hackers, and that sometimes the hacks can be traced to Russia. No idea how accurate the tracing is.

  6. SKSK
    SKSK April 27, 2018 1:44 pm

    The Russians hacked my toaster oven!!! Life just hasn’t been the same since. (Sigh!)

  7. Claire
    Claire April 27, 2018 1:51 pm

    “No idea how accurate the tracing is.”

    And even if it’s accurate, that doesn’t necessarily mean the hackers are Russian agents. They could be ordinary criminals. They could be agents of a western government creating a false trail. Who knows? Would the Russian government create the kind of obvious pointers to themselves that have been involved in some of the political hacking the media is so het up about?

  8. Claire
    Claire April 27, 2018 1:51 pm

    “My dog had the Trotskys on the carpet …”

    ROFLMAO!

  9. fred
    fred April 27, 2018 2:54 pm

    Russians? RUSSIANS???? its the SYRIANS….err,I mean the Iranians.yeah,Iranians.Or Iraqis,its them.Or was it the Al Quada,no cant be them,they are our ALLIES in Syria.

    Thats it,always goes back to those Syrians.I’ll bet thats who I hear in the forest!

  10. jed
    jed April 27, 2018 3:05 pm

    I’m out of vodka. Surely, no fault of mine! If someone could come by Andropov a bottle of Monopolowa, I’d appreciate it.

  11. Comrade X
    Comrade X April 27, 2018 6:20 pm

    The Russians are truly guilty of looking after their own interests.

  12. Jim B.
    Jim B. April 27, 2018 6:25 pm

    Schumer, Cuomo, Bloomberg, Frankenstein, Pelosi, etc. must’ve been planted by those Pesky Russians. It’s so obvious. Especially with alllllll their whining.

  13. just waiting
    just waiting April 27, 2018 8:31 pm

    Totally didn’t think about it, but yesterday I was out in a park and talked about going fishing this morning. Putin must have been listening and had every darn Russian who owned a fan to turn them to high and aim them out the mouth of the river. Never seen Mother Nature making the water that rough, must have been the Russians.

  14. Technomad
    Technomad April 27, 2018 8:51 pm

    When I was dealing with those late snows we had around here, I looked up at the sky and screamed “You damned Russian snowstorm! Go back to Moscow and leave honest Americans alone!” And any time I am inconvenienced by, e.g., road repairs, I growl that the Russians are at it again.

  15. larryarnold
    larryarnold April 28, 2018 1:09 am

    Went to the big city yesterday, and all the drivers were Russian and tale-gating and…

    Remember when the big problem with the election was that Trump wasn’t going to admit defeat? Well, the Russians must have been provoking him.

  16. Joel
    Joel April 28, 2018 11:43 am

    Rained this morning. Russian collusion made me leave that lumber out last night and now it’s all wet. Damned Russians.

  17. kentmcmanigal
    kentmcmanigal April 28, 2018 12:56 pm

    The Russians didn’t make Hillary president. That’s enough for the Leftist Statists.

  18. maDDtraPPer
    maDDtraPPer April 29, 2018 11:20 am

    They had this bathroom called the long drop. One of those eco stomp the lever poo munching bag devices plumbed to a 45 gal drum that had the lid hacked halfway open. It was a fair distance from the floor so the bathroom was affectionately called the “long drop”. You pee in a separate place, a funnel plumbed to a separate barrel. Russians like to smoke cigarettes while crapping, a combination of things I will never understand. For the rest of my life I will blame the Russians for that curiously disgusting smell of piss, shit and cigarette smoke burned into my brain.
    Come to think of it when I was over there (Russia) having to pay to stand on two painted footprints and squat to crap in a hole in the floor (public washroom) with no privacy may have traumatized me.
    Oh wait ….they made me sleep in a 2 man tent 400 miles from the south pole with 3 dudes so I was left terrified all night wondering if that was my copilots leatherman pressing on my thigh or something else….because the snow under the tent melted from body heat and everyone rolled to the middle.

  19. wetcoyote
    wetcoyote April 29, 2018 7:47 pm

    The Russians are colluding with Trump to secretly build the Chihuahuawall on our southern border. Taco Bell is going to revive its “Make a Run For the Border” campaign and build a Taco Bell placed at every mile along the border wall facing the Mexican side.

    Those seeking to gain entry to the US will get a Taco Bell punch card, and after 1000 punches, they will have the opportunity to get shuttled secretly in the Taco Bell supply truck back into the US, Where after 1000 hours of landscaping around US Taco Bells, or working in the plant that makes Taco Bells “Meat Product for Tacos”, they get a Taco Bell Mascot Kewpie Doll and a Greyhound bus ticket, one way, to a sanctuary city.

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