Yesterday’s news item about the 69-year-old man who “identifies” as 20-some years younger and demands a legal date-of-birth change has sparked some creative (albeit sneaky and slightly felonious) thinking.
Sure, the guy’s claim is Onion-worthy. But the most ridiculous self-identity claims are being taken seriously enough now for claimants to extort money out of victims — with the assistance of so-called human-rights tribunals (must read; that news out of Canada is as absurd as it is scary).
It may soon be that the only way to compete in a world gone mad is to “identify” as something totally self serving — something that will win you advantages with those who dole out money and unearned privileges.
We already have lots of people “identifying” as female or minority to get a leg up on government contracts (not to mention positions at Harvard). And since it’s becoming an established principle that we are whatever we “identify” as, and only unconscionable bigots would say otherwise … there may be no limit as to the scams that can be — legally! — worked here.
I thought “I identify as a person who never owes any taxes” had a nice ring. But Commentariat member Owl went one better:
Well hell, if he can be 69 and identify as a 45-year-old, then someone could be 60 or 45 or whatever and identify as a 70-year-old – and start collecting maximum Socialist Security benefits.
The gears in my head, they are a turnin. . .
So Today’s Friday Freedom Question — strictly for laughs, mind you — is: What wild-n-crazy thing would you “identify” as to gain maximum advantage when privileges and benefits are handed out?