Selling the Fourth of July? Oh my!
(A book review)

Some Guy Wants to Buy the Fourth of July
A new novel for all ages by Beth Homicz

Buy from the author’s site (Includes her Amazon Associates link + link for autographed copies; Other links to come soon.)
Go directly to the book’s Amazon page (no commissions to anybody)

Allie Campion of Concordia, Virginia, is beyond thrilled when her own name flashes across the TV screen. She’s just been named as one of 20 finalists in the Friendly Family Freedom Franks’s “What the Fourth of July Means to My Community” essay contest. At 10 years old she’ll be one of the youngest honorees.

The winner – who’ll receive a $25,000 scholarship – is to be announced on national television on the Fourth of July. Meanwhile all 20 young people, each with a parent or guardian, will be treated to an all-expense-paid sightseeing trip to Washington, DC.

Allie and her father Dan (who’s just been fired from his middle-school job for having defended Allie when she wrote a politically incorrect truth about American history that her teacher objected to) set off for the capital.

But what they find there is … not entirely as it should be.

Unexpectedly, event sponsors Fritz and Frieda Friendly have decided to retire and sell their beloved picnic food enterprise. The new owner, FREEDOM Incorporated — run by one Clyde Warden, MBA CEO, assisted by PR flack Ms Margaret Minyon — has already reformulated the Friendly family’s “DEE-licious” hot dogs, burgers, and fries into nauseating, rubbery neon-pink and slime-green horrors.

But FREEDOM, Inc., Warden and Minyon, and a scurvy crew of representators, senatives (see below), activists, and journalists are up to something much worse. And what nefarious deeds they’re planning are for the contest finalists, their friends and relatives, and one unusually articulate (though very grouchy) bald eagle to find out – and foil.

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That’s the setup for the new children’s-young adult-all ages comic-dramatic novel by Beth Homicz, Some Guy Wants to Buy the Fourth of July.

Don’t recognize the name Beth Homicz? You may know her better as free.and.true, a member of the blog’s Commentariat. If you’ve been around as long as I have, you might also recall her as a participant in the infamous Bug-Out Campout back when the late, lamented Claire Files Forums were in their youth. Now Beth has written her first novel, which you can buy via links above and below this review (no commissions to yours truly).

Some Guy Wants to Buy the Fourth of July defies classification. While children and adolescents are its driving force, it’s by no means “merely” a children’s book. Intelligent, well-written, and informative, there’s plenty in it for adults (especially those of libertarian, libertarian-conservative, or MAGA inclinations). It’s a comic novel that takes American liberty and civic values very, very seriously.

As you may have begun to suspect, given my mention of “representators,” “senatives” and an articulate American eagle, Some Guy takes place in a USA that‘s familiar enough, but not quiiiiite the one we inhabit. The president is Sam Adams, for one thing, and not a single child is glued to a cellphone. There’s no possible explanation; just suspend disbelief and go with it.

The book is definitely fun. Beth’s Amazon blurb refers to it as “zany” and “rollicking.” My personal take on it runs more to “whimsical,” “endearing,” “colorful,” or “magically realistic.”

Aside from the aptly named Margaret Minyon and Clyde Warden, characters include Allie’s compatriots and fellow contest finalists: Patty from Pittsburg,; Bonnie from Bonneville; Vonique from Vicksburg; Ida of Pocatello, Idaho; Chosovi from Hopiland; Tucker from Texas; and the serious, scholarly Oliver Wendell, Junior, from Wendover, Massachusetts. The names very much set the tone of the tale. These 10-to-13-year-old friends must figure out, and ultimately out-wit and out-fight (with a bit of help from parents and guardians, not to mention the eagle), the shenanigans of grown-ups who are many times more wealthy, connected, powerful, ruthless, and sneaky then they themselves are.

Great inspiration for homeschoolers or for public-schooled children who need an antidote to their learned helplessness and miseducation. But you can see how adults will appreciate the tale, too.

Finally, there’s Lorna. Lorna is a professional tour guide who escorts the 20 contestants and their adult companions around the city and its landmarks. She shows them that the history they may have learned in school is far, far from the whole story and often gives them a short-sighted or distorted view.

Lorna is lovely. (Allie’s dad Dan thinks so, too.)

This is where Beth, the author herself, enters the story. Beth isn’t Lorna and Lorna isn’t Beth. But Beth was a Washington, DC, tour guide in a former life – a darned good one from what I hear. And, like Lorna in the book, she kept her libertarian-leaning politics under wraps while giving students and other tourists little-known information and insights into U.S. history that they might not get anywhere else – insights that might open their eyes and one day turn their minds toward liberty.

Side note: This is where I also enter the story. No, I’m not a character in the book. I was simply one of two manuscript readers (along with Pat Taylor, who helped me in the same way with Hardyville Tales) who read Beth’s first and second drafts of Some Guy. The finished product is entirely Beth’s own; our main function was to (as gently as possible, you understand) kick her sharply in the backside whenever we perceived something wasn’t working its best.

I confess: It’s possible I may have ruined your favorite parts of the book by doing so. The first draft contained many chapters of pure tour commentary by Lorna. Her commentary flowed like a smooth stream on a sunny summer day. It sang. It danced as gracefully as a waltz. It was full of American history that even many history buffs might not know. It was a fount of information about Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, Mount Vernon, the Capitol building, the Revolution, the War Between the States … Oh, it was glorious. It was beautiful. It was authoritative. It was IMPORTANT. And you could tell it was Beth working her indubitable tour-guide magic.

And me, the mere manuscript reader who hadn’t sweated one drop of blood for this book while Beth had probably sweat enough to fulfill a Red Cross van’s monthly donation quota, I demanded, “Take it out! Lop it off! Slash it! Burn it!”

“Kill your darlings!” I ranted. (That’s writer talk for getting rid of the parts of your writing that you personally love the most, but that are impeding your progress or the progress of your plot.)

And though it must have pained Beth mightily, she did indeed kill her darlings, leaving a few choice bits of tourism and exposition – just enough to enlighten and arouse her readers’ curiosity. She made the story move forward at a gratifyingly energetic pace.

In fact, I must give Beth the kind of credit I’d give to few other writers; between first draft and final, she went from simply having a good idea and strong writing skills to being a real craftsperson, a sharp and entertaining novelist who understands how to create a story, build characters, and make you want to keep turning pages. All kudos to Beth, Allie, Elbridge the eagle, and the whole sterling cast of characters.

But now the world will want to know … where did all those fantastic chapters of Lorna’s history lessons get to? I don’t know, either. Only Beth knows. But I’m hoping Beth set them aside to include in a separate study guide or non-fiction book. I expect we shall see in time.

Meanwhile, go to Beth’s site, or directly to Amazon.com (links above and below) and get yourself – or your child – or a friend – or your niece or nephew – or somebody a copy of Beth Homicz’s Some Guy Wants to Buy the Fourth of July – and enjoy.

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NOTE TO FAITHFUL READERS: I no longer have an Amazon Associates account. Beth does. So if you buy her book from her site using her links, you’ll be doing her a double goodness. Thank you.

Buy from the author’s site (Includes her Amazon Associates link + link for autographed copies; Other links to come soon.)
Go directly to the book’s Amazon page (no commissions to anybody)