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Today’s the day

Okay. Today’s the Big Day. Either you’re going to be swept up into heaven, leaving your clothes behind, or you’re likely to be injured in that big earthquake that’s going to rock the earth so hard it’ll toss bodies out of their graves and you’ll end up needing medical treatment.

So, either way, remember what your mother told you: Clean underwear!

Actually, the Big Day was scheduled to start last night, U.S. time, thanks to the International Date Line — with the big earthquake and the Rapturing taking place on a rolling basis around the globe. So you’ll know by the news if you still have a few hours to Get Right with the Big Guy. Or wait and pick yourself up a sweet stereo when God’s not looking.

Weird coincidence. Last night at exactly the same time the Rapture was supposed to start out in the South Pacific, I popped the DVD of Vision: From the Life of Hildegard von Bingen into the player. First scene? a terrified congregation huddled tearfully in a church on the final night of the first Millennium with their priest assuring them this would be the last night of all nights, that the end was upon them, and they’d never see another dawn.

Boy, were they surprised in the morning.

There’s no reason a life of Hildegard should begin with such a scene (with her present as a three year old child). Very poetic, but the timing is off by about 100 years. Hm. Could it be an Omen?

Nah. Prolly not. Just a creative filmmaker figuring there’s no reason to let mere facts get in the way of good symbolism. Still, it was kinda weird. I’m gonna be really sorry if Somebody was trying to send me a Message and I missed it.


If the Rapture (or the global kick-em-from-their-graves earthquake) does get you, though, it’s really gonna mess up your chance to win Princess Beatrice’s outrageous royal wedding hat on eBay. As I write this on Friday night the bidding is only at $121,422.83 (75,110.00 British pounds). A real steal, I’d say.

But the bidding closes on Sunday. And we’ll all either be gone or otherwise occupied by then. Ah well. In the meantime, you can at least look at the funny created-by-the-public pictures of the hat while you Await Your Fate. (Click the link and scroll down.)

(ADDED Saturday p.m.: The eBay listing for the Infamous Hat now says bidding has closed and the hat received NO bids. Hm. Maybe the big earthquake hit eBay or something, because last night the bids were sky high and there were a bunch of bidders. Bizarre. Ah. It’s an eBay goof and still in the process of being repaired, apparently. I found the restored listing and changed my original link. Heck of an item to mess up on, eBay …)


  1. MamaLiberty
    MamaLiberty May 21, 2011 7:28 am

    Humpfh! If I wanted to look at funny hats, I’d go in my closet. Still have several. I used to wear big hats when I lived in the desert, but only have a wool watch cap type thing here for going out in the cold.

    Besides, the hats make me look really silly when worn with the gun belt… and you don’t have to guess which one I’d rather wear. 🙂

  2. LibertyNews
    LibertyNews May 21, 2011 8:20 am

    I’m particularly worried about the dead that are supposed to rise. Are they normal zombies, susceptible to head shots? Or do we need to take special precautions like holy-water tipped hollow points?

  3. EN
    EN May 21, 2011 10:08 am

    I’m desperately looking for someone who’s giving away all their possessions in honor of this great event. So far no findee. It’s getting late but if anyone can help email me at I stand ready to distribute old clothes to the poor and the rest of your assets to me. I’ve also heard that some people are worried that certain young daughters won’t be raptured because they are… “active in the community”. I am willing to watch over them. My son has asked me to feed his dogs since we both agree there’s no way I’ll be raptured.

    As for the Zombie apocalypse, I’d go with holy water tipped hollow points and still shoot ’em in the head. You got to be sure!

  4. Judy
    Judy May 21, 2011 11:45 am

    Sigh! Where to begin on my rant? Do I start with the bell curve of SIX BILLION people and you are probably not in the top 200,000 of said bell curve. Or the question of how many times will the sheeple of this world fall that line again? This is getting embarrassing! Can we start a new species? I’m kind of tired of being part of Homo Stupid Stupider. Sigh!

    And the sad part is, “There but for the Grace of God, go I.” I can’t even make fun of them!

  5. Jim B.
    Jim B. May 21, 2011 1:31 pm

    Sigh! If there is a rapture, there is likely only a very small set of people will get “taken”. I’m reminded of one of Jesus’ quote: It’s easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven. Too many people are money hungry that I’ll bet that not even 1 percent of the people on earth will be “raptured”.

    Do you know what that mean?

    We’re all doomed!!! We’re going to hell.

    Ah, well, at least the culture will be good. ; )

    And I’m not even religious. Quite the opposite.

  6. winston
    winston May 21, 2011 2:26 pm

    I seem to remember from one of the few sunday school lessons that I wasn’t screwing around in, that the bible says expicitly that no man can know the date and time of the second coming. Not sure how all these people who would have to intently study the book of Revalations managed to overlook that one…I’m still waiting to see the results of all the pranks people have pulled for today, like these:

    (On the same note of crazy coincidences and inane media drama…the other day had teh urge to get on Netflix, and put Pumping Iron at the top of the DVD list. As soon as I finished and clicked back to the news site I was on not 5 minutes earlier they had breaking news that Arnold made a baby with his maid. Very amusing, and comparing the pics of his kids with Maria and the new one…well lets just say his legitimate kids aren’t exactly future Mr. Olympia material, and the maid’s kid looks exactly like him.)

  7. naturegirl
    naturegirl May 21, 2011 5:58 pm

    Bea’s hat would be perfect a target for lobbing things thru that huge hole, rotten fruit or bullets, either works…..

    I’m still here….just about everyone I know is still here…most of the people I “hang with” tend to believe Hawking, anyway, so I guess we’d be ignored when it comes to anything “heaven related”….we get to continue to party on in the cesspool called Earth Life, I guess…..

    I’m kinda disappointed in the zombies not popping out, I was soooo looking forward to that….*snickering*

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